


"HOW TO STOP A MURDERER" - A Step-By-Step Guide by The Great Papyrus

by Yoshichao



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Ambiguous Gender Reader, Angst, Dark Humor, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Redemption, Everyone is Dead, Gen, Humor, POV Second Person, Papyrus has no chill, Reader is Frisk (Undertale), Reader-Insert, Undertale Genocide Route, Unintentional torture, ambiguous age reader, get ready for the longest date of your life, may turn into romance who knows, more specifically reader replaces frisk, not reader's first run of the underground, papyrus is quite literally the last good boy on earth/underground, reader can talk but chooses not to, reader has no chill, reader wants to Kill, sans and papyrus swap places in genocide, unintentional humiliation, we all kno papyrus doesnt mean it hes just doing his best
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-20
Updated: 2020-02-23
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:15:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22822408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yoshichao/pseuds/Yoshichao
Summary: Golden light filters through the stained glass windows along the left wall. You finally made it: the end of your journey. One final challenge stands before you.A figure standing in the shadow of a pillar shifts slightly at your arrival. It's not the monster you are used to seeing in this room, but... you were expecting him. You killed his brother, after all.Even though he stands in the darkness, you can still see his bony smile."HELLO, HUMAN."
Relationships: Papyrus (Undertale) & Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 31





	1. STEP 1: INFORM THEM OF YOUR INTENTIONS TO STOP THEM

**Author's Note:**

> i face god and walk backwards into hell
> 
> my brain came up with this scenario on a whim while thinking about the idea of genocide/disbelief papyrus and i abandoned my responsibilities to write it. not sure on an update schedule for this fic but i'm planning for it to have shorter chapters than what i'm used to so it'll probably be something i write for whenever i'm in the mood. may write a second chapter soon, idk we'll see. i hope u enjoy

Papyrus doesn't move an inch as you slowly walk towards him. Gripping your weapon of choice (the KNIFE, of course) tighter in your hand, your gaze sweeps across the otherwise empty hall before landing on the skeleton before you. His gaze remains trained solely on you, smile unwavering. Despite the presence of the overly enthusiastic Papyrus you're familiar with, you can sense there's something... different. 

"ISN'T THIS A LOVELY DAY WE'RE HAVING?" he asks, trying to make idle talk, before his bone brow furrows slightly. "WELL, NO, ACTUALLY IT ISN'T, BUT... IT _COULD_ BE A LOVELY DAY! WE STILL HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO MAKE IT INTO ONE!"

You can't help but frown at the fact that he's _still_ trying to give you one more chance. Even after everything you've done to him and his friends? Then again, you suppose Sans gave you a chance too... and you didn't take that one either.

You take another step forward.

"...I SEE! YOU'RE APPROACHING ME TO GIVE ME A HUG, RIGHT?? I KNEW YOU COULD DO IT, HUMAN! I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, WILL ACCEPT YOUR HUG OF FRIENDSHIP!!!"

Seriously? He's STILL going on about this? Maybe you were wrong. Maybe you made a mistake in doing this.

Oh well.

May as well get it over with so you can try something else.

You step forward again.

"...WELL..."

Another step.

"HMM..."

And another. The darkness flickers around you.

"...WELL, I WISH I COULD SAY ALL THAT," Papyrus finally says with a sigh, expression forlorn. "BUT I HAVE A FEELING... YOU HAVE NO INTENTION OF GIVING ME A HUG. AT LEAST, NOT ONE THAT ISN'T... MURDERY. AM I RIGHT?"

You stop in your tracks, shocked to finally see the skeleton drop his naivety. Finally! This is what you've been waiting for. With a smile, you take another threatening step forward to answer that _yes,_ he is indeed correct.

"OF COURSE. I SUPPOSE THAT MEANS I HAVE TO FIGHT YOU...? IT'S WHAT ANY GOOD MEMBER OF THE ROYAL GUARD WOULD DO! IT'S WHAT UNDYNE WOULD DO! OR... 'DID'..."

His smile came back for only the briefest of moments before it fell again at the reminder of his late friend. Your smile grows wider as you take another step, leaving the two of you only a window's width apart. This is good. It's _exactly_ what you hoped for. You killed his friends and family, and now he wants revenge. After all: who wouldn't?

"...IT LOOKS LIKE THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO TO CHANGE YOUR MIND. YOU LEAVE ME NO CHOICE--"

The darkness starts to flicker again, closing you in.

"--AS A ROYAL GUARDSMAN-IN-TRAINING--"

You tighten your grip on the knife in your hands in anticipation of what's to come. 

"--I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS--"

Your SOUL burns with a red glow. You can't remember the last time you were this excited for something.

"--WILL STOP YOU FROM GOING ANY FURTHER!"

You're filled with... DETERMINATION.

This is it, the ultimate battle you've worked so hard for. Blackness envelops the battlefield, erasing all trace of the golden hall from before. Papyrus stands across from you, apparently waiting patiently for you to make the first move. Hm. Boring - Sans had the decency to shake things up for you - but... maybe he has a trick up his sleeve? You refuse to underestimate him and get caught off guard. You have to be ready for anything.

You reach your hand out to the orange constructs that you're sure you can only see - specifically, to the one labelled "FIGHT". No wasting time with pointless ACTs, you just want to jump right into this.

"...WAIT A MINUTE! I JUST THOUGHT OF A GREAT IDEA!!!"

Just before you can touch it, your hand phases through the FIGHT button. Just as suddenly as it appeared, it and the other buttons fade away. When you look up, the darkness is also gone. You are back in the _Judgement Hall._

What... how...?

Oblivious to your confusion, Papyrus is looking proudly into the distance with a big goofy smile on his face. This would be the perfect time to strike now that he's not looking at you, but you're just so... dumbstruck. Your familiar "battlefield" has never just... _disappeared_ like that before. Could he... could _Papyrus_ have somehow...?

"SILLY ME, HOW COULD I FORGET? FIGHTING IS NEVER THE ONLY OPTION! THERE ARE STILL SO MANY TRICKS-- I MEAN, _'FRIENDSHIP TECHNIQUES'_ THAT I SHOULD BE TRYING FIRST!" He chuckles deviously to himself, as if you are not even there to hear his plans. Suddenly, he finally brings his attention back to you with a dramatic finger point. "HUMAN! YOU AND I... ARE GOING TO GO ON A DATE!!!"

What.

"BUT NOT JUST ANY DATE, OH NO!" The skeleton starts marching towards you with purpose, and you find yourself backing away in panic. "THIS WILL BE THE MOST INCREDIBLE DATE OF YOUR LIFE! MY DATING POWER WILL BE SO IMMENSE, THAT YOU WILL BE UNABLE TO RESIST MY CHARMS AND... YOU WILL NEVER WANT TO DO A VIOLENCE AGAIN!!!"

You're trying to put distance between the two of you, but his legs are so much longer than yours that he's quickly closing the gap. Why is your heart pounding so hard? Instead of fighting you, he's asking you on a date?? This whole situation is ridiculous and... not at _all_ what you bargained for. You came here for a FIGHT, but this?

You don't know how to deal with this.

"I SEE YOU'RE VERY EAGER FOR THIS DATE!" Papyrus says in amusement as you continue to scramble to get away from him. You are backing towards the entrance you came from at an increasingly rapid pace, wanting nothing more than to get away for a moment so you can gather your bearing. "BUT I WOULDN'T WANT YOU TO GET TIRED RUNNING ALL THE WAY BACK TO SNOWDIN, SO I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS..."

Just as you've turned a full 180 degrees and are about to bolt, you feel a gloved hand grab the collar of your shirt and yoink you backwards. You can't help but make a sound of distress as Papyrus easily lifts you up and tucks you under his arm like a football.

"...WILL CARRY YOU ALL THE WAY THERE IN MY BIG, STRONG ARMS! ISN'T THAT _ROMANTIC?_ HAVE I WON YOU OVER YET?"

As much as you want to scream at him, you stick to wordless noises of frustration as you flail aggressively in an attempt to get free. You even try stabbing him with your weapon - he went down so easily the last time! - but...

It just _tinks_ off his armour. Not a dent. Not a scratch. Not even a _speck_ of dust falls from his person, signalling that you aren't doing any damage whatsoever to him despite having sliced through metal _so easily_ with other armoured monsters. No matter where you stab or how you slice (you can't reach his head from this angle, annoyingly enough), Papyrus seems completely unaffected. He doesn't even _try_ to take the knife from you, instead choosing to smile goofily at your distress.

"WOWIE! YOU REALLY _ARE_ EXCITED, AREN'T YOU?? WELL, I BETTER HURRY THEN - WOULDN'T WANT TO MAKE YOU UPSET BY MAKING US LATE FOR OUR DATE! NYEH HEH HEH!"

Without any further warning, Papyrus breaks into a sprint with you under his arm. Zooming out of the golden hall and onto the grey walkway that overlooks an empty city, you nearly drop your knife from the sudden speed change. Abandoning your attacks on your target, you hold the knife close to you to prevent a particularly nasty jump or turn from flinging it out of your hands. You have a feeling if you drop your knife... you are never going to see it again. While there are plenty of other things you could turn into weapons, something about the knife just feels _right._ You don't know if you could find a better weapon down here. So, you decide to give up your assault and just let the skeleton carry you... wherever he's bringing you.

Because even if you're giving up the chance you have _now,_ there will be plenty more opportunities down the road to kill Papyrus. 

As you dangle from the running skeleton's arm, you gaze out at the city below. Knowing that it's empty because of YOU... and knowing just how _close_ you are to finishing off the rest of the Underground...

Well.

No matter the unexpected setbacks you find yourself facing, you're still filled with DETERMINATION. 


	2. STEP 2: FEED THEM A DELICIOUS HOME-COOKED MEAL

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your date with Papyrus starts now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> never in my life have i ever written something that was simultaneously So Much Fun but also Extremely Uncomfortable. i put "mr.sandman" by the chordettes on loop at one point if you want some music to turn this into a much jauntier mood. please enjoy regardless

The CORE, Hotland, Waterfall... All the places you've been through dozens if not _hundreds_ of times before rush past you as Papyrus carries you back to the land of snow. You tried a few more times to break free - hoping to catch him when his guard is down - but his grip on your torso as he carries you football-style never lets up. He runs pretty fast - thanks to all the "ROYAL GUARDSMAN TRAINING" he's done, according to him - but you wish he visited the Riverperson instead... You KNOW they are still around despite the rest of the Underground being dead or in hiding, but Papyrus either doesn't know or... does not want to use their services for some reason.

Is he perhaps... keeping you from other monsters? To prevent you from hurting them?

You find yourself rolling your eyes at that notion. The only monsters left - aside from Asgore, that horrible little flower, and Papyrus himself - are all ones you've never been able to kill anyways. But maybe Papyrus' little shake-up of the script will actually open doors to new opportunities for you? His actions might just end up having the opposite effect he's going for! Now wouldn't _that_ be exciting?!

As you daydream about encountering all the monsters you never had the chance to FIGHT until now, a rush of cold wind suddenly knocks you from your thoughts. Looks like you've finally made it to Snowdin. This means you'll _finally_ get your chance to strike soon. Knowing the time will come if you wait, you stay still as Papyrus runs through the empty town... and then continues past the sign to take you into the frozen wilderness. Seriously? Where's this guy taking you? You can't help but grimace as he runs across the bridge with the painted landscape adorning the rocks around you. If the date isn't at his home, then... you really don't know what to expect anymore. You're suddenly anxious to be faced with an unknown situation (even though that's what you did all this for, ironically), though you chalk most of that up to the pressure on your stomach that's been there for the past however many minutes. This guy really couldn't have carried you any other way, huh?

You see several puzzles and stations you're intimately familiar with before Papyrus finally starts to slow down. His run slows to a jaunty walk as you approach his planned destination-- oh. Of _course_ it's the plate of spaghetti he left out here as a "trap". His date idea was a romantic dinner in the middle of the woods. You probably should have seen this coming - there is nothing else out here, after all.

"HERE WE ARE!" Papyrus announces, as if you couldn't already guess that yourself. "ARE YOU READY FOR THE GREATEST DATE OF YOUR LIFE, WHICH WILL BE SO COOL AND GOOD THAT IT COMPLETELY CHANGES YOUR LIFE AND MAKES YOU STOP THINKING OF MURDERY STUFF??"

No.

"I KNEW YOU WOULD BE!" Beaming at your non-response, Papyrus marches towards the dinner table with you in tow. "I DID EVERYTHING I COULD TO MAKE THIS DATE PERFECT, BECAUSE MY DATEMATE ONLY DESERVES THE BEST! I'M CERTAIN AFTER SUCH AN EXQUISITE MEAL IN ROMANTIC MIDDLE-OF-THE-WOODS-WITH-NO-ONE-ELSE-AROUND, YOU WILL FINALLY BE HAPPY HERE! WITH ME AS YOUR COOL BEST FRIEND!!!"

You can't help but squirm uncomfortably at his choice of words before choosing to focus on the funny discrepancy between his words and actions. He's taking you on a date, but the end goal is to be besties? What a weirdo. Of course, he probably doesn't mean it... Not even someone like Papyrus would ever _actually_ want to be friends with you. 

Unless he's trying to replace the hole where his late friends used to be.

...Wait, what is that--?

"I PICKED OUT THIS DELUXE CHAIR SPECIALLY FOR YOU!" Papyrus beams as he stops next to a chair you recognize the function of immediately. It's a high chair... for _children._ And it is the most garish shade of green you've ever seen. "IT'S TALL, HAS ITS OWN TABLE, AND IS IMPOSSIBLE TO ACCIDENTALLY FALL OUT OF THANKS TO AN ARRAY OF SAFETY MEASURES! AND!!! IT COMES WITH ITS OWN CUSHION! THIS IS THE PEAK OF LUXURY - ALL JUST FOR YOU, MY WONDERFUL DATEMATE!"

You're _not_ sitting in that.

You _refuse._

"I PROMISE IT'S AS COMFY AS IT LOOKS - I KNOW BECAUSE I TESTED IT MYSELF!" You suddenly find yourself being pulled out of the football hold as Papyrus lifts you in the air with both of his hands. Your legs dangle uselessly below you, as the skeleton's arms are too long for you to even get a good kick on him. Or a swipe of your knife. Any attacks on his arms or hands continue to bounce off like it's nothing. And he just keeps smiling at you, as if nothing is happening. "HERE, IT'S A LITTLE HIGH UP, SO LET ME HELP YOU SIT DOWN - LIKE THE GENTLEMAN I AM! NYEH HEH HEH!"

A panicked noise escapes your throat as Papyrus lifts you high enough to lower you into the chair trap. You are NOT sitting in that! How old does he think you are?! You maneuver your legs uncooperatively so he can't sit you down so easily and repeatedly kick the chair in hopes of knocking it over. When it doesn't budge, you realize... it's frozen to the ground. How long has this thing _been_ here?? It certainly wasn't here when you passed through earlier (an hour ago? two? more? it's hard to keep track), and you don't _think_ Papyrus has any ice magic... Chalk it up to a case of rotten luck then. Looks like karma is finally biting you in the ass.

"I KNOW YOU'RE EXCITED, BUT PLEASE HOLD STILL!" When you continue to defy him, the skeleton sighs before changing tactics. Still holding you in the air, he brings you down closer to him - close enough that your legs are forced into a crouching position with the chair's "table" beneath you. With reflexes faster than your own, he grabs the knife arm before you can land a slash on his skull and twists the arm behind your back. The sudden awkward motion causes a sharp pain in your shoulder, stunning you into inaction just long enough for Papyrus to push you backwards into the seat with his other hand. As soon as you realize what's happening, you let out a closed-mouth scream and struggle as much as you can, trying to twist your legs and body in any way that will keep you from being pushed down into the chair. Unfortunately for you, Papyrus is much stronger and, with one arm holding you down, he reaches under the "table" to grab your leg and pull it through the hole. After he's successfully gotten one through, it's no trouble at all to get the other one.

You lost.

You are now stuck in a chair made for children.

You're so humiliated that you are completely still for several seconds, mentally dissociating from your situation to the point where you forget everything else around you.

For some reason, your mind shows you images from life on the Surface. As a kid, you and your then-friends would go to the park and whenever the regular swings were occupied, the rest of you would jump on the baby swings and mess around on those.

Sitting in this chair reminds you of what it was like to get stuck in one of those.

"PHEW! FINALLY." You try to lift yourself out of the chair, but Papyrus puts a hand on your shoulder and pushes you back down. "I UNDERSTAND, YOU MISS BEING IN MY ARMS. BUT WE CAN'T CUDDLE AND EAT AT THE SAME TIME! THINK OF HOW MESSY THAT WOULD BE!!! I WOULDN'T WANT YOU TO GET YOUR NICE DATE CLOTHES RUINED, SO I'M AFRAID WE MUST EAT SEPARATELY FOR NOW. BUT DON'T WORRY - THERE WILL BE PLENTY OF TIME FOR CUDDLING LATER!"

You cannot believe this guy. Your disbelief is so strong that you remain motionless long enough for Papyrus to believe you've given up on escape and he takes his eyes off of you to mess with the dinner table. This guy can't be THAT naive, right? He _must_ know you still want to kill him. He didn't even take your knife away! Not that you'd let him, because even now you still have an iron grip on it, but... 

While the skeleton's back is turned, you use your non-knife hand to reach down the side of the chair. These things are supposed to come apart, right? You should be able to just disconnect the table part and hop out! Your hopes are dashed when your fingers meet something cold and hard. Great, more ice. This chair is frozen in exactly all the _wrong_ places. Frustrated, you jerk the chair with your full body over and over, hoping to break something. Anything. Please, you just want to get OUT! As expected, Papyrus' attention is drawn by the noise of crunchy ice and plastic. He doesn't immediately rush over to stop you, instead giving you a concerned bony frown.

"ARE YOU ALRIGHT, HUMAN?" You don't answer, of course, instead continuing your attempts to force the high chair to move while he's letting you. After watching you for a few moments, Papyrus' face lights up in realization. "OH, I SEE! I'M SO SORRY, I DIDN'T REALIZE YOU COULDN'T GET CLOSE TO THE DINNER TABLE! FORTUNATELY, YOUR CHAIR HAS ITS OWN TABLE, SO I CAN JUST BRING THE FOOD TO YOU!!! ISN'T THIS CHAIR MAGNIFICENT?!"

You're scowling at the skeleton as he cheerfully picks up the plate of spaghetti off the wooden table to bring it over to you. As soon as he tries to put the plate down in front of you, with a devious smile you try to knock it out of his hands.

He lifts it out of the way before you can even touch it, having predicted that move from you. 

He is still smiling. 

You are not.

"PLEASE, BE PATIENT! YOU DON'T WANT TO ACCIDENTALLY DROP THE SPAGHETTI ONTO THE GROUND, DO YOU?" The look on your face answers that question, but he either doesn't notice or doesn't care. "NOW, LET'S TRY THAT AGAIN, SHALL WE?"

Slowly, he lowers the plate again. This time you let him do it, staring as the scent of something vaguely spaghetti-like hits your nose. You remain motionless when the plate is finally resting on the table, and Papyrus is slowly moving his hands away, prepared for you to try pushing the plate again.

But that's not your target this time.

Barely holding back your grin, you grip your knife tightly as you bring it down with all your might towards one of his gloved hands. This time you're too fast and too clever for him, and he is unable to move out of the way before your knife cuts through and ends up embedding itself in the plastic table. Finally! You're unable to stop the wide grin on your face now, admiring just how far the knife went into the table until you realize...

You missed.

...You _MISSED?!_

Your mouth hangs agape when you realize by sheer luck, Papyrus has managed to avoid your strike because you sliced the space _between_ his phalanges. Even now, as the both of you are motionless and processing the scene before you, his index finger is hovering along one side of the knife - practically curled around it - while the rest of his fingers are on the other side. His hands had still been shaped to pick up the plate again, and your knife landed in one of the gaps.

You would have gotten him if your aim had been offset in literally ANY direction. 

"...OOPS, IT SEEMS I'VE MADE A HUGE MISTAKE!" And Papyrus is _still_ smiling. You'd like to think it's a bit more forced now, but fury is clouding your vision more and more so you really can't tell. "I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN YOU WOULD WANT YOUR SPAGHETTI CUT! HOW AWFUL OF ME TO NOT KNOW SOMETHING LIKE THIS ABOUT MY DATEMATE! YOU MUST HATE ME RIGHT NOW... BUT DON'T WORRY! I KNOW A WAY TO MAKE IT UP TO YOU."

The hand you tried to stab moves to wrap itself around your hand, and you're so intent on keeping a death grip on the knife that's stuck in the table that you have to let it happen. With a firm but gentle grip, he helps you pull the knife out of the plastic... and then does not let go of you. You don't notice him using his other hand to pick up the fork until he's forcing your free hand to hold onto it.

"WE MAY NOT BE ABLE TO CUDDLE WHILE WE EAT, BUT WE CAN HOLD HANDS! SMART, RIGHT? THERE IS NO PROBLEM THAT I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, CANNOT SOLVE - _ESPECIALLY_ WHEN IT COMES TO DATING! I SHALL HELP YOU CUT YOUR SPAGHETTI TO BE AS FINE AS YOU LIKE IT."

It's no good - no matter how much you try to jerk your hands away, Papyrus' grip keeps them firmly in his control. Gritting your teeth, you watch as he somewhat awkwardly manipulates your hands to use the tools to cut the spaghetti. Ice flakes off of the noodles as the knife works its way through the frozen pasta, with the fork being used to help hold parts down (not that it's really necessary with how frozen the dish is). The sound of crackling ice is already grating on your ears. No matter how much you try to resist, Papyrus is intent on cutting up this nightmare of noodles, sauce, and ice into smaller chunks. When he's done, the red-tinted ice shavings make it look like you've been served a plate of snowsghetti. 

"THIS IS GOOD?" Papyrus asks after this most recent struggle for power prompts him to think the noodles have been cut up enough for your liking. "EXCELLENT! FINALLY, WE CAN MOVE ONTO THE MOST IMPORTANT PART! I HOPE I HAVEN'T KEPT YOU WAITING FOR TOO LONG - BUT AT LEAST THIS MEANS YOU SHOULD BE EXTREMELY HUNGRY!!!"

Once again, you're helpless as the skeleton manages to manipulate the fork in your hand to twirl up a bundle of noodles. Although the cutting job was shoddy enough to leave the noodles at many different lengths, Papyrus manages to carefully twirl all of it around the fork so nothing is hanging down. It's practically a perfect bite - a bite that spaghetti lovers could only dream of. "SAY 'AAH'!" Papyrus coaxes with a big smile, moving your arm and the fork closer to your mouth.

You keep your mouth firmly shut. Papyrus' bone frow falls slightly.

"...PLEASE?"

You glare daggers into his eye sockets. If only you could shove a _literal_ dagger in there, but he's got your knife-wielding hand pinned against the table.

Papyrus sighs, leaning back slightly to think. You're trying to think too, looking left and right for something - _anything_ \- that might help you escape. Microwave? Impossible. The candlestick on the table? It's not even lit so there's no way you can cause a fiery "accident" to occur. It might be useful as a weapon if you can get to it, but you'll have to get out of this chair first. Mouse hole? You'd be surprised if the mouse was still in there after the rest of the inhabitants of this frozen wasteland went running before you got here. Not like it would help you out, anyways.

There is always the option of complying and eating the spaghetti, but...

"WHY DIDN'T THE SKELETON DANCE AT THE HALLOWEEN PARTY?"

Your gaze snaps back to Papyrus to find him staring at you expectantly, as if waiting for an answer. You just give him a blank look, confused by the sudden topic change.

"BECAUSE... HE HAD NO _BODY_ TO DANCE WITH!!!"

What.

Waiting for your confused expression to change, Papyrus only looks slightly disappointed when he clears his non-existent throat and tries again:

"WHEN DOES A SKELETON LAUGH?"

Wait.

"...WHEN SOMETHING TICKLES HIS _FUNNY BONE!"_

Hold on just a minute.

"WHY DID THE SKELETON RUN UP A TREE?"

Is he...

"BECAUSE A DOG WAS AFTER HIS _BONES!!"_

Is he seriously...

"HOW DID THE SKELETON KNOW IT WAS GOING TO RAIN?"

...telling you skeleton jokes??

"HE! FELT IT IN HIS _BONES!!!"_

Papyrus gives you a hopeful smile after his latest joke while you continue to respond with nothing. You _of course_ aren't going to give him the satisfaction of laughing, but... honestly, your silence is more from confusion than anything else. You thought this guy _hated_ puns. Clearly realizing this isn't working, Papyrus sighs.

"I KNEW YOU WOULDN'T FIND SUCH AWFUL JOKES TO BE FUNNY, BUT I FIGURED I'D GIVE IT A TRY ANYWAYS. OH WELL. TIME FOR PLAN B!"

Swiftly, Papyrus kicks the chair with enough force to break the ice holding the legs down and send you toppling backwards. As you let out an involuntary shriek, Papyrus pulls you and the chair forward again and... puts the forkful of spaghetti into your open mouth. You tried to clamp your mouth shut once you realized what was going on, but your delayed reaction caused you to instead trap the spaghetti in your mouth.

It's... really bad.

"YOU DID IT!" Papyrus beams, practically radiating positivity and support as if you just achieved something special. He completely ignores the way your face twists in anguish. "WELL? HOW DOES MY FRIENDSHIP SPAGHETTI TASTE??? ARE YOU FEELING NICER ALREADY?"

It's really _really_ bad.

The only taste in there that resembles spaghetti is the faint taste of tomato (NOT tomato sauce), but that is largely overwhelmed by the rest of the ingredients in the dish. Your brain is shutting down the longer you keep this frozen, uncooked, inedible sludge in your mouth, but you think you taste something like... sugar?

It does not belong in pasta.

Unable to take this torture anymore, you use your tongue to shove the food out of your mouth and it unceremoniously splats onto the plastic table. Papyrus watches you do this silently, aghast and jaw agape. You spit on the table for good measure, trying to get that awful taste out of your mouth.

...Is that glitter in there?

"...UM."

For once, it seems you've left Papyrus speechless. You may be no closer to killing him than you were a second ago, but you still can't help but feel accomplished anyways. You grin openly at him, and his expression shifts further into a frown.

"...HUMAN, I THINK I UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE TRYING TO DO." His arms stay very still, continuing to hold yours in place. It looks like he's trying to choose his words carefully. "I UNDERSTAND, AND YET... I CANNOT LET YOU HAVE YOUR WAY. FOR YOU SEE, WHAT KIND OF DATEMATE WOULD I BE IF I LET YOU GO HUNGRY??"

Your grin starts to fall. Papyrus continues talking.

"ALL THIS TIME, IT'S CLEAR YOU WANT TO SKIP DINNER SO WE CAN GO BACK TO CUDDLING." You wouldn't call being carried from one end of the Underground to the other "cuddling", but whatever. "BUT PLEASE BELIEVE ME WHEN I SAY THAT YOUR HEALTH IS VERY IMPORTANT TO ME. WHICH IS WHY I WILL NOT LET YOU OUT OF THIS CHAIR UNTIL YOU FINISH THIS ENTIRE PLATE OF SPAGHETTI!!!"

Is... is he giving you a subtle ultimatum? Keep wasting time and he'll keep you here as long as he needs to? But he's vowing to let you out of the chair as long as you eat the spaghetti? 

You stare into Papyrus' eye sockets, taking note of his uncharacteristically serious expression. Surely you could mess around long enough that he'd give up? It's not like he could stand here trying to force you to eat all day and all night, right? The guy's gotta sleep eventually - maybe it's like fighting Sans, where you just have to wait for him to conk out to have your opportunity.

But... how long would that take?

...

You hate to be compliant, but... if you eat the spaghetti... he might think you're getting better and let his guard down...

Catching you grimacing towards your dinner, Papyrus (correctly, unfortunately) takes that as a sign of acceptance and starts smiling again. "I KNEW YOU'D UNDERSTAND! DON'T WORRY, I AM A MASTER AT FEEDING MY DATES DELICIOUS FOOD, SO NOT ONLY WILL THIS BE DONE EXTREMELY EFFICIENTLY, BUT... NONE OF THE ROMANTIC TENSION WILL BE REMOVED!!! NYEH HEH HEH!"

Your wince as Papyrus scoops and twirls another bite for you, already dreading this. But... you can do this! It's just a single plate of spaghetti. You've... probably eaten something worse than this at least once. Right?

"HERE COMES THE FIRST BITE!"

Papyrus holds the fork in front of your mouth, waiting patiently. With some hesitation, you steel yourself and open your mouth, and he is quick to shove the fork in before you can change your mind. The urge to spit it out again is so strong, but after a moment of letting the mass of noodles sit in your mouth, you slowly chew it.

It's _still_ bad.

You feel like you're chewing ice.

Papyrus is smiling SO HARD right now. You've once again made him proud for no good reason. You refuse to look at him as you swallow the cold mush in your mouth - and instantly start coughing when you feel hard lumps of _something_ slowly slide down your esophagus. 

Oh this is _awful._ You really cannot express this enough.

"WHAT A PASSIONATE EXPRESSION! YOU MUST REALLY LIKE IT - I'M SO FLATTERED!!!" To make matters worse, you can't tell if this guy is for real or not. Is he mocking you? Or is he actually being genuine? You're honestly leaning more and more towards the former, because this whole experience has been borderline _torture._ Is this _fun_ to him? "OKAY, HERE COMES THE NEXT BITE!"

You grit your teeth as the second bite approaches your face. You can do this. You can DO this! Just take it one bite at a time. It's fine. _You're fine._ You're squinting in concentration as you open your mouth to accept the second bite, trying to focus on _anything_ but the look, smell, and taste of this poor excuse for pasta. 

The second bite goes down just as awfully as the first. It feels like there's a layer of something stuck in your throat that will not go down no matter how much you swallow.

"YOU'RE DOING GREAT!" Papyrus says encouragingly as he spears the plate to collect the next bite. His support prompts an array of emotions in you that you're not prepared to deal with - and thankfully, you won't have to, because most of them dissipate as soon as the fork is in your face again.

This might _actually_ legally qualify as torture. 

Something washes over you with that third bite, inexplicably making your eyes watery. You blink the tears away - dammit, you're not going to cry in front of the guy you're trying to kill! - but your vision remains blurry. Instinctively you try to rub your eyes, but Papyrus still won't let you move your arms on your own. 

On the fourth bite, your body shudders as if trying out one last act of retaliation. It does nothing for you of course. You are still trapped in this chair, being forced to eat an arts 'n crafts project disguised as spaghetti. Nobody is going to save you.

On the fifth bite, your body has finally resigned itself to its fate, releasing any sense of elegance you've been holding up until now. You'd probably be slumped over if this chair wasn't holding you up so tightly.

Sixth bite. You notice just how much of the spaghetti is left - it doesn't even look half done. You've underestimated how long it takes to eat a plate of spaghetti.

Seventh bite. You think you've accepted this is just your life now. You've never felt so dead in your life - not even when you... _actually_ died. And you've died A LOT down here. This might be the hardest thing you've had to do ever since falling into the Underground.

Eighth. Unable to bear the sight of slow twirling anymore, you close your eyes and try to think of other things so you're not plagued by anticipation of the inevitable. But all you can think of is Papyrus' smiling face and pasta-shaped sludge.

Nineth. You force yourself to think of the place you've become oh-so-familiar with over the last god-knows-how-many resets. The homey and echoing Ruins... the cold and desolate Snowdin... the damp and breathtaking Waterfall... the expansive and sweltering Hotland... the noisy and maze-like CORE... the endless and civilized New Home... 

The radiant and golden Judgement Hall.

Radiant and gold and beautiful, red and gold and red and dust and gold dust dust _dust--_

(You stop counting.) --and the Surface with its blinding sun and orange sky and red grass and dust more dust red dust red dust _dust **DUST--**_

"LOOK, HUMAN! YOU DID IT! YOU FINISHED ALL THE SPAGHETTI!"

Papyrus' enthusiastic voice jolts you from your thoughts and you snap your eyes open, panic bubbling inside you as you glance around to remember where you are. Your gaze falls upon the plate, which is in fact... empty. All the noodles are gone. 

You... did it...?

"...WELL. THERE IS ONE BITE LEFT."

Confused, you watch as Papyrus directs your hand to... the first bite that you spit up. In horror, you watch as he scoops it onto the fork.

No.

Absolutely _not._

"IT'S JUST ONE MORE!" Papyrus urges, holding the fork near your mouth. Your strength returns to you and you try to recoil away from it, but there is nowhere for you to go. "IT'S NOT GOOD TO WASTE FOOD. PLEASE, JUST THIS ONE MORE BITE AND THEN WE CAN GO."

Futilely, you try to jerk your arms away from him, but as expected, the skeleton hasn't let up his grip one bit. You've been willing to give him the benefit of the doubt up until now, but this... this is definitely _not_ naivety. It can't be. His expression is no longer the dazzling smile, and is instead strained and insistent. You are not going anywhere until you eat this.

You wince at the thought of having the saliva-covered noodle bundle in your mouth again, even though it is your own spit. It's just gross! Gross gross gross! Ewww ew ew ew ew

...Dammit you have to do this.

You set out to do something and you're going to FINISH IT. 

Tentatively, you open your mouth with a grimace. Papyrus is much slower in making you eat this one, as if still giving you a chance to resist. And despite everything in your mind and body screaming at you to do _just that..._ you don't. You stay completely still. Once the fork is in your mouth, you will it to shut and your eyes instantly squeeze shut from disgust.

This might just be the most humiliating moment of your life.

When you successfully swallow the mass of slime, Papyrus beams at you with the radiance of one thousand suns. You are once again dead inside. You feel weak, and you're certain your stomach is going to be revolting against you very soon.

"WOWIE! YOU REALLY DID IT! YOU ATE _ALL_ THE SPAGHETTI! I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!"

You find yourself smiling despite yourself. You did it. You ate it all. _Finally,_ it's over. In a daze, you watch as Papyrus takes your utensils, puts them on the plate, and then carries the whole thing away to place on the wooden table. Your hands have been released for the first time in what feels like hours. Finally, you can--

You--

Wait--

Y--

HE

HE TOOK YOUR KNIFE.

**YOU JUST LET HIM TAKE YOUR KNIFE AWAY.**

As soon as you've realized the horrible error you've committed, you start thrashing about in the chair in your haste to get out. Forgetting that Papyrus broke the ice holding it down, you end up tipping backwards and falling into the snow, your body rattled by the impact. As you frantically start to crawl out of the seat, Papyrus rushes over and easily rips the plastic table off the front of the chair to get to you.

"OH NO, ARE YOU ALRIGHT??" Despite your best attempts to push him away, the skeleton easily scoops you up into his arms, bony arms wrapping around your lower back. At least he's not going for the football hold this time. "PLEASE BE MORE CAREFUL! I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU HURTING YOURSELF. JUST ASK ME FOR HELP NEXT TIME, ALRIGHT??"

You shove one palm against his skull and the other against his sternum in an attempt to force him away, but he's just _so much stronger_ than you. You don't even succeed in mildly irritating him, if his worried expression is anything to go by. Too desperate for rational thought, you squirm in an attempt to escape up out of his grasp and maybe vault over his shoulder in a cool action move to grab your weapon of choice... but it's no use. Papyrus keeps you held firmly against his chest, leaving you flailing your arms over his shoulders.

"OH, PLEASE DON'T WORRY ABOUT CLEANING UP!" And once again, this guy finds a way to infuriatingly misinterpret your actions to fit with his perfect "date" narrative. He HAS to be doing this on purpose! "YOU MUST BE SO TIRED AFTER SUCH A LONG DAY! I'LL JUST COME BACK LATER TO TIDY ALL THIS UP ONCE YOU'RE ASLEEP."

With that, he starts walking away. You stare over his shoulder in dismay as you are carried further and further away from the sauce-and-glitter-covered knife sitting on the table. Your struggles die out once you realize there's no overwhelming Papyrus - his monster strength is such _so_ much greater than your puny human strength. That knife was the only advantage you had over him.

And you lost it.

You're _such_ an idiot.

Silently mourning your defeat, you can't take your eyes off of the dinner table scene you just departed from. To your surprise, a mouse peeks its head out of the mouse hole and then, seeing no one is in the immediate vicinity, hops out to start poking around. It bounds over to a lump of noodles and sauce under the table and starts sniffing it.

Wait.

Wait _what._

Since when was that...?

As the mouse shakes its head in displeasure and runs back into its home, you turn your head to look at Papyrus (or more specifically, the side of his skull). The skeleton doesn't notice you staring, continuing to walk as he hums a jaunty tune that you recognize as one of Mettaton's themes. 

Did he... You... ...He spared you from eating all the spaghetti...?

...

...

What a _fool._

Did he really think that showing you a little bit of mercy would give you a change of heart? Mercy in a situation that HE put you in?

He really _is_ mocking you, isn't he?

You're not going to let this slide.

Although you find yourself trapped in a skeleton's strong arms as he carries you through the snowy woods, you feel a renewed vigor bubble up inside you. You may be without both weapon _and_ plan, but you still have your pride. The woods are silent outside of Papyrus' humming and the crunch of snow beneath his boots. Despite the bumps you've experienced thus far, and the seemingly hopeless situation you now find yourself in...

...you still have your DETERMINATION.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think i have the next few chapters planned out but PLEASE feel free to offer further date/hangout ideas for papyrus to force reader to do. i yearn for more. thank you for reading

**Author's Note:**

> consider following me on social media if u like my writing or just wanna chat... twitter is where i'm at the most and is my general dumping grounds, while tumblr is for art & writing exclusively! feel free to send me asks and stuff there.
> 
> https://twitter.com/Yoshichao  
> https://yoshichao.tumblr.com/


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